I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
worst night to have a conscience
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
