so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
