omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
there is glitter all over my balls
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