He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
