Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
