Swine flu. Run for my life!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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