good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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