Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
