Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
