your parents love me but you hate me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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