I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
