The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
