i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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