how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
