oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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