I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
