beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
