If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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