I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
