tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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