I want to walk on stilts...naked
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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