New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drake has all the answers
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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