You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
