There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am one with the molecules
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
