P.S. I can't hear my feet
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
