it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
