How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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