I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
