i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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