Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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