How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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