Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
