Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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