M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
