And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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