there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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