who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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