my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
