I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize