I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
