matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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