he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i drank out of a bidet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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