I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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