"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
