You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
