I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
