How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
