end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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