But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
