so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
