it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
