theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
