Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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