no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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