Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
