He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
