thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We had sex on a dog bed..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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