Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
