every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
