Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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