so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
