Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
