it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
