New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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