My liver just broke up with me...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
