I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
