Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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