Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
