you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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