Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
