This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
