We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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